Ah the Joys of single life at 27.
Did you ever go out with a guy who was really not the best looking but that you were absolutely crazy about and convinced that you were in love, you were made for each other yadi yada??? We have all been there! Ben was one of these guys. I was 20 and he was a good 10 years older than me. I remember when i first saw him, he wasn’t great but i thought he was kind of cute. I was working in a sausage factory for the summer (how ironic ;)) and he was a maintenance guy. He had a girlfriend so off limits as far as i was concerned. We got on really well though and he even ended up coming to my 21st with his girlfriend! All good, i wasn’t that keen, i had bigger fish to fry at the time! Well no actually i didn’t really! Ben ended up splitting up with his girlfriend. We all went away (by we all i mean some of my friends and some of his friends: we had gotten quite close), for a weekend and I ended up kissing Ben. At the time it was like a dream, you know the feeling when you first kiss someone you are absolutely mad about, butterflies in stomach, i had grown quite fond of this guy. Looking back now i should have known he was only after one thing, and that his friendship was completely fake. I was only 21 so young and innocent. From the start he made it clear that it was just sex, but i think i had conned myself into a false sense of security and had concocted a false relationship.
I was 21, he was 31, every man’s dream no? Partially my own fault as i should have known better, but i was infatuated (i believed at the time that it was love but it was not!!!) This relationship was a joke, Ben would host parties and not invite me and then ring me to come down the next day, he would have my clothes off in 5 minutes, I was an idiot! It was pure fun for him, he was never going to commit. After a few months, the ultimate blow, a gang of us were at a party. I had a feeling something was not quite right, there were a few girls i didn’t know hanging around. Sure enough, i saw him kissing one of these girls. Breakdown!!!!! That was the end of that. Hurt and bruised. I’m sure this has happened to every girl i know. This guy was a jerk, he still had a hold of me until quite recently, not a hold as in i wanted to be with him, i curse the day i was ever first with him! A year or so ago i was to go abroad on holiday and Ben asked me to collect some stuff and bring it home for him. I was going to until my best friend told me to cop on to myself!! Thank god for good solid friends is all i can say! They hold you together!
Ben is now married, to a girl he met very soon after it all ended with me. She rules the roost, is older than him, and not great looking. Why does it always end up this way! I was driving home from work yesterday and spotted his mum out walking their dog, they are off on honeymoon id say. ‘Gimme more’ by Britney Spears was on the radio, i just whacked it up full blast. I sometimes wonder what is wrong with me. Why does it all go so wrong. I have established that for a good 5 years of my life, i spent my time with the wrong people. Getting into a wrong crowd is really bad, believe your parents when they tell you this! These guys liked their parties, drugs, drink, women. Dont get me wrong, they were not absolute extremes of these, more-so that they were living life as if they were still in their teens. They saw fun in acting like idiots and poking fun at other people. They didn’t seem to want to make anything of their lives. Wrong crowd, i have learned this the hard way! So this was the first issue.
I still wonder though, what I am doing wrong, i mean i come from a good family, have a good degree and masters, good job, nice car, nice lifestyle, holidays each year, I have done the whole Australia for a year and travelled around south America and Asia???!?!?!? What is it! Im sure im not alone in this though……… I will keep looking, i won’t give up my belief!